The Famous Peter Will Buy Any Car

First of all, sorry about the lack of posts, it's exam season. We'll be back to normal by February at the latest.

It's advert season. The time of year when we've got a bit of cash in hand from Christmas presents, and in between the big department stores shoving their January sales up your nostril a few gems come through to get you to spend your (not) hard-earned money.

First of all, here is Guinness's big budget effort, showing a bunch of farmers prancing around a grey planet proving there is no God.

I prefer the drink itself... I don't think Arthur Guinness had this in mind when he created a dark ale in his little Irish shed, but nevertheless it rakes in the awards and makes the odd pub-goer for once proclaim: "Actually love, I'll 'ave a Guinness", which is alright with me.

A beautiful piece of art that whilst not measuring up to their 'Horse Surfers' ad of 1999 (which is wrongly regarded as the best advert of all time) still shows that the advertising industry can still boom and wow the public even in a recession as deep as this one. Why? Because in a recession there are two choices:

1. Get the drinks in
2. Sell your stuff

And as I try to keep this a neutral website, here is the ad industry's contribution to aiding number two.

Yes! Now, you can sell your car to people having seizures! From £50 to £100,000! Isn't it delightful? See how he made a cheeky joke about how boring silly newsreaders are and burst into dance so it appeals to the kids? N'aawh! And look at the dancing! Epilepsy looks great. Do you reckon it was all spontaneous and he was actually expecting to do a proper report? It looked like it. Oh, I've been fooled!

Enough of that. The retards at WeBuyAnyCar.com (if you hadn't guessed the name) have concocted the most brain-dead vomit on television since Kerry Katona. From 0:05-0:09 he genuinely looks like he's having a fit, which is probably why his speech didn't match his lips. Now, I could go on for pages about every aspect of the stupidity of the 41 seconds you'll never get back (not to mention the final dance move that made Michael Jackson spin at 1000rpm in his grave), but first I'm going to ask the question that really should have come up in the director's meeting before the abomination was put out: who does this appeal to? Let's do a checklist.

Teenagers (17-21)

Most likely they'll just talk about it on facebook, with excessive use of the word 'wanker', 'tosser', and 'car'. The sad thing is that this could be regarded as a commercial success, as "any publicity is good publicity", said the Priest to Gary Glitter.

Young Adults (22-29)

These people will just hang their heads in shame and thank the lord they aren't anything to do with WeBuyAnyCar.com, and if they know anybody who is they'll instantly disown them whilst trashing their car, driving license and draining their bank account. Probably.

Adults (30-55)

Some of these will fall for it. If it makes them laugh, they'll look into it: their best years are behind them and they'll do anything anybody under 30 tells them to do if it's hip and cool. Which this advert isn't, but they think it is.

Pensioners (55+)

Pensioners will shout at the telly for being too loud and demand to OFCOM that the 'newsreader' be given an ASBO.

Well, that was exhausting. Notice that I've missed anything? You should. I've not mentioned the actual purpose of the advert. You can make preposterous adverts that are a success (Compare The Market did it fantastically), but when you cross the line it's indicated by people talking exclusively about the idiots on the advert and not actually what it's advertising. The 'Meerkat' campaign increased site traffic to CompareTheMarket.com by 80% despite being completely stupid, so who can fault it?

All in all, television is even dumbing down in between actual television. The fad of just getting people talking and being vaguely memorable instead of actually getting a product sold has taken hold and isn't leaving any time soon. I'm off to the pub.

Thank you for reading, I hope you all had a lovely Christmas and New Year.